Monday, 18 August 2008


I want you to do me a favour. Please scour your friends for someone who is into writing stuff for a television series. I have an idea but I know how useless I am at following things through. I am also immensely busy at the moment. I really want someone to get this thing done. I think it has immense potential – it is a sure fire thing to be banned extensively and therefore a world-wide best seller. Of course the death threats will be there so, since fame is not the aim, the whole thing should be released anonymously and under all necessary security provisions. I am actually very serious about this. I want to see this happen.
Like most storylines, I dreamed this one. I know you enjoy story dreams too. You may well worry what I am doing having dreams like this!
The opening of each episode begins with an aerial pan, much like that in Dallas – ideally the same signature tune but I know there are rights issues so music of the same style if rights cannot be obtained. It starts with a smouldering lava filled crater somewhere and the camera zooms into a crevice full of brimstone smoke and lava flowing out. We next have a view of scenes from Dante and in the middle of all that there is a skyscraper filled megalopolis. The title comes on screen DIABOLIS and we fly to a skyscraper with the letters HWB on the roof or on the side of the building. We fly into a boardroom where we see the crest of Holy War Brands Inc. above the chair of the President. Seated round the table are representatives of various religions, all suitably gowned and hatted; turbanned or hooded. The President, of course, is an Iranian Ayatollah. Beside the President is a bespectacled secretary taking the minutes.
‘I am sure we are all quite alone and safe, gentlemen. Please relax, and if everyone is agreed, you may smoke.’
The reason why so many religions have hats now becomes apparent. Some of the delegates take off their headgear, revealing horns. The larger the turban or bishop's mitre, of course, the larger the horns. The bodies of the directors begin to let off sulphurous vapours (smoking) and a camera view behind the seats reveals swishing tails under the cloaks.
We are then given some background information – perhaps red writing on a smouldering scroll on screen being read out. Holy War Brands is the most powerful of the mega-corporations based in Diabolis. Others include Drum and Flag who specialise in fomenting nationalism and war, MAP (Mind Altering Promotions) who specialise in drug and alcohol addiction and fy (Financial Yoke) who promote debt slavery. All have global reach, but map has greater control of the North American and European territories than HWB. The aim of all the Diabolic mega-corporations is to obtain the most damned souls – the universal currency of the Diabolic Regions. The most effective way of maximising their profits is through the promotion of slaughter, suicide and greed.

Other divisions of HWB which are brought into the storyline from time to time are Cacophonic Services (bells, amplified wailing etc.) and New Product Research and Development dealing with new sects and schisms and which employs a specialist who deals only with millennial and suicide sects.

The President of Holy War Brands then calls for reports from the directors. Each episode features the report of a different director.

For the pilot episode the report is from the head of the Anglican region. The president berates him because there have been very few profitable killings or suicides attributed to him for a long while – in fact he hasn't contributed much at all since the seventeenth century. He says that he is doing his best to create a schism over homosexual ordination but there are immense difficulties in working in the west. MAP Corporation has really sown up the region and young people are more tempted by booze than religious battles. What he is doing is to try to promote greed and one of his bishops has become rather good at asset stripping.

We then go to a bishop's palace where the incumbent is trying hard to get rid of redundant churches, selling them to the highest bidder and ensuring he has a good rake-off. He has a problem when he comes to a particular rural parish church. The vicar is particularly recalcitrant about giving up his living and organises a campaign to keep his church open and not merge with the nearest town. The building and its accoutrements are particularly valuable but the vicar's living is protected by an ancient endowment. There is only one way to get rid of him and replace him with a more compliant vassal. He invites him to the palace and offers him a sabbatical to the Holy Land. He refuses and the bishop murders him and hides the body in the crypt of the cathedral – hide a body among bodies. He puts it about that the vicar has gone to the Holy Land to do research in the Gaza strip despite his best efforts to warn him not to go to that dangerous area.

However, the bishop is not out of the woods. The vicar's ghost gathers a congregation of spirit souls to save the church and to undermine its value on the property market. The bishop is haunted by the prospect of the discovery of his evil deed and the fact that he has debts which the sale of the church would be necessary to redeem that he commits suicide.

The President congratulates the director on his report and says that he has done well under very difficult circumstances.

I am sure that a good writer could make something of this. Please help.

ps. I had another dream in a morning snooze after waking from this one. I dreamed about a trick box that was designed to test people's moral sensitivity.

There was a metal box with sprung legs. It appeared to be completely sealed with the exception of a small vent and barely noticeable screws. On the side of the box was the legend, ‘After I stop jumping I will start smelling.’ Left alone on a table the box would bounce up and down on its spring legs. The notice is designed to excite curiosity sufficient to try to open the box by undoing the tiny screws. The top comes off revealing a sealed window (but with a vent) showing what appears to be a mouse running round inside up and down a ramp which seems to be cause of box jumping on its springs. With horror the onlooker realises the meaning of the legend – the poor animal will keep running around in its confinement until it dies of starvation and exhaustion and starts to smell. Desperately they look for some way to free the animal from its fate. Eventually they see a clip held in place by another tiny screw. They open the glass lid only to release a stink bomb and to realise that the captive mouse was, in fact, battery powered.

Tuesday 19 August 2008
From AF

I'm not bad at writing myself, but I don't know if I would be accepted for the job because I'm not part of 'the television world' or whatever – and anyway, in today's climate of 'they kill us but we shouldn't offend them', I doubt any station would take the Diabolis programme for fear of being Offensive against those who, well, kill us. (Remember the 'cartoon' riots: they were allowed to kill us for saying something, but we were still not allowed to say anything against them for killing us, because that would have been Intolerant of us and Disrespectful to their Culture, which happens to promote killing).